Today's topic, Near Death Experiences.  That is right.  I have had two near death experiences.  I thought you might want to hear about them.  Because I know there are several of you home on a Saturday night thinking I wonder what Marian will blog next. 

My first NDE (near death experience) was as a child of about 4-5 years old.  I remember it was sunny outside, but I wasn't outside.  I was in my Great Grandmother's kitchen.  Granny Griffin was cooking and the women in the family were gathered either helping or talking.  I was curious about the goings on. 

My Granny Griffin was cooking okra.  Not frying it like so many people like their okra prepared but boiling it.  For those of you unfamiliar with okra it is SLIMY when boiled.  I, being the curious child that I was, asked to taste the okra.  Or my Granny offered it to me, I can't remember.  So, I innocently let my Granny Griffin put the okra in my mouth.  I chewed and tried to swallow the slimy, slimy okra.  But I couldn't swallow the okra, because it kept sliding down on its own and choking me.  I would cough/gag it up and try to get it right.  The okra didn't care which pipe it went down it just was going to do what gravity dictated and slide down.  I could not control the stuff, it just kept doing whatever it wanted.  Which was to choke the life out of me.  After what seemed like forever I was finally able to manage the okra and swallow. 

 I do not eat okra. I feel very peaceful about that.  I don't have to worry about it trying to kill me ever again.  To you this may not be the exact definition of a near death experience.  But you would agree if you had been in that kitchen having the life choked out of you by a green, slimy pod.

My second NDE happened at a concert.  I just want to make sure you all know I am not this cool.  I want you to think I am but, alack and alas, I am not.  I was given the opportunity to see the Ramons live at the age of 13.  One of my sisters best friends was that cool and she and my sister took me.  As a side note, I am excited to have seen such a ground breaking, influential band play.  The Ramons were one of the inventors, if you will, of the Punk Rock movement.  I also saw their movie Rock and Roll High School which I still remember pretty well.  But I digress.  

I remember it was dark outside, but I wasn't outside.  I was inside where, by the way it was stifling, I mean stifling hot.   It was winter in Idaho, (that is right, I went through puberty in Idaho) so I guess someone had the heat up. Or maybe that is how the Ramons wanted it.  I don't know.  Anyway, it was so hot in the room!  I remember there was this guy wearing a cardigan sweater.  I could not for the life of me figure out why he was in a cardigan because it was so HOT.  You get that it was hot, right? 

Because, Punk was on the fringe the actual concert was pretty small, I don't know maybe two hundred people?   Maybe?  Anyway the music started, it was standing only, no sitting.  I stood in front and there was a guy to left of me.  He kept jumping with his arms up and every time he came down he would hit my shoulder.  I was into the music at first, but then I realized that my shoulder hurt so I moved slightly away.  I think I did this a few times.  Each time he would move over and continue to pound into my shoulder.  Don't ask me why I didn't just move further away.  I was 13.  Finally, I decided to give him a taste of his own medicine.  So he jumps up, arms in the air and I hit him, hard, in the ribs, twice before he gets back down.  I remember I actually heard his Ooof over the music.  A moment later I can tell he is turned toward me, moving, dancing, whatever while he looked at me.  I never looked at him again. 

The concert ends and I find out why the guy had on a cardigan, he had joints taped into the inside and was lighting them up and passing them around.  No, people, I didn't inhale. 

Oh, and I found out what the guy who kept hitting me was doing.  My sister, my dear, dear sister, asked me "Marian, what was that guy doing, the one dancing around you and waving a knife?" 

To this day I wonder if he would have stabbed me if I had looked at him.  But, I didn't.  My attitude was OK we are done here.  So, that is my second NDE.  Again, maybe not your definition but close enough, don't you think?