Today's Topic Stupid things I have done.  OK, get ready, brace yourselves, deep breath, I am not perfect.  There, I said it.  I feel lighter and yet somehow exposed.  You now know my deepest, darkest secret.  I am imperfect.  It is getting easier.  Wow!  I AM NOT PERFECT....

So, I did something really dumb today.  Just like a news paper I will make you wait to find out.   You know like continued on page 8 or some such.  Anyway, it made me think of other dumb things I have done.  The ones I can remember anyway. 

 When I was 5 or 6 I thought it would be a good idea to tie rope to the handle bars of my bike and use the rope to steer.  Some of you may have an idea of how this played out.  I will tell you anyway.  I tried to use the rope to steer and it wasn't as easy in actuality as it was in my mind.  The handle bars were completely unmanageable.  I couldn't steer but, bless me, I kept trying.  Right up until the wildly moving handle bar slammed into my side.  I wound up with one of the biggest bruises I have ever had in my whole life. Ever.  I tried my best to hide it from my mom, I can't remember if I was completely successful.  You should know I take care of children who do stupid things all the time.  I could have injured my spleen, my liver, my intestines etc.  I remember how much it hurt to have the handle bar hit me so hard.  It hurt for a long time and I kind of limped around trying to get over the pain.  Oh, it wasn't fun at all.  I have never tried to use rope to steer a bike again.

When I was 8 or 9 I broke several house rules.  One, outside when my parents were gone. Two, I was outside after dark. Three, I was riding someone else's bike.  I rode someone else's bike really fast, down hill, in the dark, standing on the pedals.  I don't remember the fall completely.  I remember the sensation of flying through the air and then picking myself up off the road. I had landed on my face.   I had blood streaming out of my mouth.  I ran into the house, to the bathroom and kept rinsing my mouth over and over.  I could see my tooth was half gone and for some reason thought if I kept rinsing I would somehow see my tooth back.  No, never.  I got a lot of stitches, and a fake tooth. We lied to our parents who were really nice when they took me to the ED.  Even after they found out what really happened they didn't give me grief.   

When I was a teenager 13 or 14 I used to ride around in our family van while my sister drove.  That may not sound like a stupid thing.  Try adding I did it with the sliding door open, standing with arms and legs spread to either side holding on.  I wish I could say for dear life but I don't think I was that smart.  Obviously, I didn't fall out since I am not dead or permanently disabled.  You can argue whether I suffered brain damage, but the damage would be before doing something so stupid.  Maybe it was a result of landing on my face. 

Luckily, as I grew older my stupidity lessened, slightly.  When I was around 17 we drove from Idaho to North Carolina.  This was before some of the nicer highways we have now.  My dad mapped it out and I took turns driving with a family friend.  I had never driven for more than an hour or so at a stretch.  So, there I was driving across the country. (By the way, there really wasn't much to see in Kansas, or maybe it was Nebraska, either way to entertain ourselves we counted dead animals on the road.  That was all there was to do.)   Anyway, back to the road, I would get so tired after a couple of hours.  I just wanted to fall asleep at the wheel, which is bad.  So, the family friend, who is a very nice person, offered me Nodoz. I took it thinking it would help me stay awake.  It did.  We just happened to have car trouble right after I took it.  So, there I was at a gas station in some far off state, hyped up on Nodoz.  I could have leapt tall buildings in a single bound.  I ran, jumped, skipped all over the place.  And then right when I was crashing down after the caffeine buzz, the car was fixed and it was still my turn to drive.  Way fun! 

 Around 23 or 24 I went to the beach with friends.  Carolina beach to be exact and had a blast.  However, looking back it wasn't the best way to have fun.  The waves were strong, I mean Strong.  They were crashing down so hard that if you were standing about waist deep the wave would lift you and flip you head over heels with no real effort on your part.  The reason that wasn't the best fun is because my whole life my mom has stressed water safety.  As a child, mom my would call my sister and I out of the water at regular intervals so we couldn't over tire.  She has quite a few they were too tired to get back in and drowned stories.  I am also aware of water safety because of her, no swimming alone, take breaks etc.  The undertow at the beach can be so deceiving, you don't really know it is there until you are struggling against it.  However, I have to admit, I still remember that day with fondness. 

Over the years I have done many other stupid things.  But I have kept you waiting long enough.  I got the oil in my car changed this morning, then I went to get a pedicure (my feet work hard for me), then I needed to run to the Wal-mart.  At the Wal-mart I got out of my car and it made high pitched buzz at me, the doors wouldn't lock, the remotes wouldn't work, the car wouldn't restart. My car has a push button starter, no key, foot on the brake and push the button, simple.  I trouble shot, I tried the remotes, I just happened to have both, I did everything I could think of to get the car to work and nothing.  First, I called my brother, who used to sell Toyotas.  He was kind and helpful, but was thinking the only way to make the car start working would be to unhook and rehook the battery.  I called the dealership, all the while thinking what did they do wrong with my oil change that my car won't work now.  I didn't accuse them of anything just went through my story, the gentleman on the phone was very kind, very helpful.  He figured out what was wrong quickly, I had forgotten to put the car in park.  The car won't start, the doors won't lock and it makes a "hey, dummy, you didn't do it right" sound when you forget.  That is right, I forgot to put the car in park.  Before I called I took around 10 minutes or more to try and figure things out.  I really tried people, honest.  But, I stupid.